DS did a couple of good things in the past two weeks.
The toilet seat is an issue for him. He hardly watches if its down or up. Last week, I showed him the seat (slightly soiled) and had the conversation around that being a guest-room toilet and guests visiting our house and how they would feel when they see such soiled seats. I think he understood it; for a day later, he called us and said, that he had taken the toilet paper and cleaned the sides of the toilet and he wanted to ensure it was clean. Of course, we were quite happy and the next thing is to get him use the anti-bacterial soap to wash his hands, which isn't as tough; since the time we introduced the diet ("due to germs in his tummy"), he pretty much ensures that he is clean.
The other good stuff was that he had found a car-wash in our apartment map. DW and I had not given that any attention; and he had twice talked to me about a car-wash in the apartment complex; i did not pay specific heed to it. Last week, I had to travel; apparently, when I was away, he tool the apartment map and figured out where the car-wash was and went to spot the place; along the way he had also used the maps-on-the-board ("you are here" kind of thing) to find where the car-wash was. When I returned back from my travel, he told me that he did find the car-wash and told me where it was !
This is good; so when motivated, he could actually read maps, which means he is able to map the abstract (maps) to the physical (locations)...
That kind of gave me an idea on something else.
Status update from here !
We have been here for more than 5 weeks now. DS has been slowly getting on the other side of the fence. From where he started with (in India) that he would not enjoy the US at all, he has slowly transitioning. He likes the parks, likes the food, likes the walk, likes the drives etc. he loves the fact that he gets organic chicken and choclates with organic sugar - now he wants to go to the beach in summer and swimming pools and ride bicycles in the park.
Our experience with DS has been that he doesn't want to try something new - because its unexpected on him. So we kind of modelled a few unexpected things that he likes - like suddenly springing a surprise by going to an Indian restaurant to eat his favourite dish; or eating chicken at KFC (we made exception to his diet). And we are trying to encode that 'unexpected like' vs "unexpected dont-like'; and those two balances out and he gets more 'likes' than dislikes. He likes stuff, once he experiences it; The challenge is to get him experience it and take that first step !! But then, thats the core deficit, right ? Resistance to change...
[Also, this kind of reiterates that we need to continue on the RDI bandwagon!]
On the schooling front, we are looking at a complete mish-mash. Since he is quite receptive to descriptive (science, geography, english) knowledge, we do not want under-achieve on his learning. Whereas, in Math, due to white & black nature of the subject (he could either be right or wrong with the answer and he hates to be wrong), we are taking it a bit slow - so we are looking at a combo of curriculum. Part of california curriculum for his subjects, a bit of Enki movement, continue with RDI (restart formally with our consultant from April). We are also looking to follow-up our science lessons with a visit to the zoo etc. Last week we were at the Monterey aquarium and although it started off badly (due to a faux pas I made), he seemed to have gotten into some of it. Same needs to be done with Math/fractions - may be pizza would help (and an excuse for me to gorge some !)...
Our experience with DS has been that he doesn't want to try something new - because its unexpected on him. So we kind of modelled a few unexpected things that he likes - like suddenly springing a surprise by going to an Indian restaurant to eat his favourite dish; or eating chicken at KFC (we made exception to his diet). And we are trying to encode that 'unexpected like' vs "unexpected dont-like'; and those two balances out and he gets more 'likes' than dislikes. He likes stuff, once he experiences it; The challenge is to get him experience it and take that first step !! But then, thats the core deficit, right ? Resistance to change...
[Also, this kind of reiterates that we need to continue on the RDI bandwagon!]
On the schooling front, we are looking at a complete mish-mash. Since he is quite receptive to descriptive (science, geography, english) knowledge, we do not want under-achieve on his learning. Whereas, in Math, due to white & black nature of the subject (he could either be right or wrong with the answer and he hates to be wrong), we are taking it a bit slow - so we are looking at a combo of curriculum. Part of california curriculum for his subjects, a bit of Enki movement, continue with RDI (restart formally with our consultant from April). We are also looking to follow-up our science lessons with a visit to the zoo etc. Last week we were at the Monterey aquarium and although it started off badly (due to a faux pas I made), he seemed to have gotten into some of it. Same needs to be done with Math/fractions - may be pizza would help (and an excuse for me to gorge some !)...
Growing up !
Last night was a good bad.
For something I said (albeit wrong "accusation" if you will, as said by DS and attested by my DW), DS threw his hand-kerchief away - Now DS has a habit of throwing things (or asking it to be thrown away) if he is annoyed with something else. Since he threw his hanky, I called out his name a bit "loudly". He then threw another of his "minor" tantrum. I, in anger, turned my face away and did not talk to him. Then started the tug-of-war.
I then decided to stand my ground (stupid or wise, not sure at that time). I told him that every action has a consequence and he will need to face that - I used the word punishment once, but then on DW's prompt stopped it and used the word consequence. I also slipped in that 'in life, every action, good or bad, has a consequence" and he will need to face it. The consequence of it is for him to our bed-configuration will be different from every-day. He even stated that he never did anything wrong in the first place when I raised my voice; however, I told him, I'm angry about his reaction. He stood his ground for a while, and staged a walk-out to go to a different room alone and then caught our attention by sobbing aloud. Then when called in, he wanted status-quo (on his comfort-zone of every-day practice). I refused to give in and said that he will need to face the consequence.
DS was angry and declared that he "was angry and will not hug you" while sleeping and he carried his threat through. Usually, when sleeping next he snuggles up, but last night he did not; and I did not either. And through the night, he took care that not to hug in sleep.
At one level, it was very wrenching to watch him go through this and I almost gave up a couple of times. At another level, I also thought he became strong - where he made his assertions at several levels:
1) That he was accused wrongly at the first instance and did explain that one more time under stress
2) That he has his own sense of individual emotions and he can carry that through
3) That he is not playful all the time
Although it was painful to go through, I was proud at one level. Somehow, in his anger and his sense of righteous-indignation, he seemed to have grown up !
For something I said (albeit wrong "accusation" if you will, as said by DS and attested by my DW), DS threw his hand-kerchief away - Now DS has a habit of throwing things (or asking it to be thrown away) if he is annoyed with something else. Since he threw his hanky, I called out his name a bit "loudly". He then threw another of his "minor" tantrum. I, in anger, turned my face away and did not talk to him. Then started the tug-of-war.
I then decided to stand my ground (stupid or wise, not sure at that time). I told him that every action has a consequence and he will need to face that - I used the word punishment once, but then on DW's prompt stopped it and used the word consequence. I also slipped in that 'in life, every action, good or bad, has a consequence" and he will need to face it. The consequence of it is for him to our bed-configuration will be different from every-day. He even stated that he never did anything wrong in the first place when I raised my voice; however, I told him, I'm angry about his reaction. He stood his ground for a while, and staged a walk-out to go to a different room alone and then caught our attention by sobbing aloud. Then when called in, he wanted status-quo (on his comfort-zone of every-day practice). I refused to give in and said that he will need to face the consequence.
DS was angry and declared that he "was angry and will not hug you" while sleeping and he carried his threat through. Usually, when sleeping next he snuggles up, but last night he did not; and I did not either. And through the night, he took care that not to hug in sleep.
At one level, it was very wrenching to watch him go through this and I almost gave up a couple of times. At another level, I also thought he became strong - where he made his assertions at several levels:
1) That he was accused wrongly at the first instance and did explain that one more time under stress
2) That he has his own sense of individual emotions and he can carry that through
3) That he is not playful all the time
Although it was painful to go through, I was proud at one level. Somehow, in his anger and his sense of righteous-indignation, he seemed to have grown up !
Settling Down...
This is a report-out from the new location - which is the bay area in the United States... We have been here for two weeks now (post-relocation) and DS has settled/is settling quite well - better than what we anticipated.
The move itself was uneventful - fortunately I had an upgrade to business class on Singapore Airlines and DS loved the flight, the seat, the food on it. He was quite happy that he can lay down flat and at the same time watch Rajnikanth's latest movie Sivaji. The thing is, DS thinks that we will travel that way everytime... I need to break that to him some other time ! :)
In the house, he is quite ok - back home in India he started with I will not enjoy US; but slowly he is getting into things here - the large shopping experience, the parks, the drive, the cars (some of which are same as in India - which is a big thing). Also, the presence of organic food store has given more food options to him - organic chocolates, organic chicken (that he loves), gluten free cookies and biscuits...
One thing that yet to be settled is his schooling - he doesn't want to go to school here in the US and make new friends (so he says). We also think that would be a big change for him - culturally, language-wise and other-wise too. Although, we did visit couple of private schools, we are looking not to rush him. We are seeing if we can run a private or school district's Independent study program (ISP, as its called here) at home, look at some structured social skills classes and then at the end of this school year, see if he can go to a school. This is the one that still very unclear for us, but we are hoping to go with the gut and eventually hope it would turn out to be the better. Even the choice of housing is based on where we could get him the maximum benefit...
Our fingers crossed and we are waiting and seeing...
The move itself was uneventful - fortunately I had an upgrade to business class on Singapore Airlines and DS loved the flight, the seat, the food on it. He was quite happy that he can lay down flat and at the same time watch Rajnikanth's latest movie Sivaji. The thing is, DS thinks that we will travel that way everytime... I need to break that to him some other time ! :)
In the house, he is quite ok - back home in India he started with I will not enjoy US; but slowly he is getting into things here - the large shopping experience, the parks, the drive, the cars (some of which are same as in India - which is a big thing). Also, the presence of organic food store has given more food options to him - organic chocolates, organic chicken (that he loves), gluten free cookies and biscuits...
One thing that yet to be settled is his schooling - he doesn't want to go to school here in the US and make new friends (so he says). We also think that would be a big change for him - culturally, language-wise and other-wise too. Although, we did visit couple of private schools, we are looking not to rush him. We are seeing if we can run a private or school district's Independent study program (ISP, as its called here) at home, look at some structured social skills classes and then at the end of this school year, see if he can go to a school. This is the one that still very unclear for us, but we are hoping to go with the gut and eventually hope it would turn out to be the better. Even the choice of housing is based on where we could get him the maximum benefit...
Our fingers crossed and we are waiting and seeing...
Turn the tables !
Sometimes DS gets confused with English usage and the appropriate use of the word "to" along with the act of speaking...
A few days ago, I overheard DS speaking to DW. He was telling DW, "Amma, I'm suggesting you that you do...". He obviously replaced "telling" with "suggesting"... Having overheard, I then called out to him and told him, that he cannot use "suggesting you", but the appropriate usage is "suggesting to you. There should be a 'to' here except in the usage of 'telling'. Other than 'telling', its always 'saying to you', 'speaking to you', 'suggesting to you'"...etc etc.
DS comeback was, "Appa, what are you suggesting to me ?" :) Smart !!!
A few days ago, I overheard DS speaking to DW. He was telling DW, "Amma, I'm suggesting you that you do...". He obviously replaced "telling" with "suggesting"... Having overheard, I then called out to him and told him, that he cannot use "suggesting you", but the appropriate usage is "suggesting to you. There should be a 'to' here except in the usage of 'telling'. Other than 'telling', its always 'saying to you', 'speaking to you', 'suggesting to you'"...etc etc.
DS comeback was, "Appa, what are you suggesting to me ?" :) Smart !!!
Sign from above !
This is again about the impending move. Since the news was broken to me at work, I tended to second-guess my decision to move; the primary reason, in our minds, was to ensure that it would do good and be better for DS. Or else, I do not see a big need to move jobs, although the recognition is greater. It was always on my mind - and wryly thought like Jim Carrey in "Bruce Almighty" would look for some signs from above to see if this is the right thing for us to do.
Then cut to my travel last week; on the flight, where I tend not to see many movies, decided to see "Evan's Almighty" - which, post-facto, seemed a loose sequel to the Bruce Almighty. The plot for the movie is the God appears and commands Evan Baxter (a congressman ?) to build an ark, in the lines of Noah's - the plot is pretty thin though. So he starts building it, but the whole world and the family thinks he has turned crazy; In one of the scene the wife and the kids are sitting in a restaurant and there is a TV on playing the incident of Evan's ark - the people around make fun of Evan, while the wife squirms in her seat. Then God appears in front of the wife (as a waiter) and talks to her. When the wife tells him, all she wants is the family to be together, God asks her - if you pray for something, does God give it to you as is or provides an opportunity to do so - for eg, if you pray for courage, does God give you courage or provides you an opportunity to show courage ? Or when you want peace, does He give you peace or provide opportunity for peace"...
Hmmm... so when we were asking for "well-being" of DS, has God given us this "opportunity for the well-being" ? Perhaps, this is the sign !!!
Then cut to my travel last week; on the flight, where I tend not to see many movies, decided to see "Evan's Almighty" - which, post-facto, seemed a loose sequel to the Bruce Almighty. The plot for the movie is the God appears and commands Evan Baxter (a congressman ?) to build an ark, in the lines of Noah's - the plot is pretty thin though. So he starts building it, but the whole world and the family thinks he has turned crazy; In one of the scene the wife and the kids are sitting in a restaurant and there is a TV on playing the incident of Evan's ark - the people around make fun of Evan, while the wife squirms in her seat. Then God appears in front of the wife (as a waiter) and talks to her. When the wife tells him, all she wants is the family to be together, God asks her - if you pray for something, does God give it to you as is or provides an opportunity to do so - for eg, if you pray for courage, does God give you courage or provides you an opportunity to show courage ? Or when you want peace, does He give you peace or provide opportunity for peace"...
Hmmm... so when we were asking for "well-being" of DS, has God given us this "opportunity for the well-being" ? Perhaps, this is the sign !!!
Cop out ?
Finally, DS was told about the uproot-and-move. He somehow has a view that moving to the US is not something he wants, although we had lived there earlier. He was around 4 when we left that place. There is something about that experience that he hates. During our normal discussions, DS had said many times that he hates going to the US for some reason that is yet to be excavated from the innards... So telling him about the move was going to be challenge...
But we had to tell him sooner, which we already delayed. So when I was traveling this time, we had decided that he needs to be told; so the plan was just two days before my return from my travel, he would be told. This was the sequence
I believe that DW handled this extremely well in spite of my absence (or perhaps due to my absence) and it required extra-ordinary amount of bravery and an aptitude of the oak-tree to do so.
So its kind of ended well; but one thought still gnaws at me... Did I cop-out on this and not want to face the kind of reaction that I expected ?
But we had to tell him sooner, which we already delayed. So when I was traveling this time, we had decided that he needs to be told; so the plan was just two days before my return from my travel, he would be told. This was the sequence
- we will get my current boss (who is also a good friend) to visit our house and tell DS that we are being transferred (DS has this view like the teachers at schools have to be listened to, the bosses at work has to be listened to)
- there is bound to be a bit of melt-down; handle it for a while, and then invite his friends from the neighbourhood to come home and play with him.
- if he is continued to be disturbed, I return 2d later and take some of the brunt...
I believe that DW handled this extremely well in spite of my absence (or perhaps due to my absence) and it required extra-ordinary amount of bravery and an aptitude of the oak-tree to do so.
So its kind of ended well; but one thought still gnaws at me... Did I cop-out on this and not want to face the kind of reaction that I expected ?
Bad times and bad days...
Past 6 weeks has been pretty tough on every one. DW and DS have been continuously falling ill, with each's tail-end of the sickness tagging a fresh trigger in the other. I have been very very very busy given the impending change in career and upcoming uproot-and-move. Trying to understand what an unknown business means and at the same time trying to close out things here and finding alternate education for DS in the place we are going to move to has had me completely hooked on to every other thing other than spending time at home.
With all this, RDI has gone down the drain, ENKI too accompanied that. Cold and illness implies morning walks (SI) has been canceled. Add to these my own absence from home due to travel; resulting in the most undesirable situation. Its the worst-case scenario happening!!!
But, I believe things are a-changing for good - the rhythm is being re-established. I also know there is going to be one huge disruption when DS will be told about the move - he will not like it one bit. That would be the worster-case scenario.
What could be the good thing out of this ? That we have seen the worst-case scenarios; one more time ? And we will see more ? Like its said in Hollywood movies, "is this your best shot?"!!! Good, we are still standing and fighting... :) Jokes apart, although its frustrating, mostly for DW, thats the essence - just need to keep standing and be at it... relentlessly; and assume all these dips as minor aberrations thats bound to happen anywhere and in every other lives. But just perhaps, more at a different level of complexity...
__________________________________________
ps: This is a good read on bad-days.
Jokes on you...
Today DS was asked to hand over the small jar of "Vicks Vaporub" jelly to me. Since DS loves the play of words, he brought it to me said "here's your witch"... I did not react much; then he raised his voice, did the scary-boo-thing and said "Witch !"...
Funny !! :)
Funny !! :)
The Human Race
This was sent to me via email sometime in 2005. Not sure how much of it apocryphal; but everytime I read it, there is a small choke up the throat...
____________________________________________
It was a sports stadium. Eight Children were standing on the track to participate in the running event.
* Ready!
* Steady!
* Bang!!!
With the sound of Toy pistol, all eight girls started running. Hardly have they covered ten to fifteen steps, one of the smaller girls slipped and fell down, due to bruises and pain she started crying. When other seven girls heard this sound, stopped running, stood for a while and turned back, they all ran back to the place where the girl fell down. One among them bent, picked and kissed the girl gently and enquired - "Now pain must have reduced".
All seven girls lifted the fallen girl, pacified her, two of them held the girl firmly and they all seven joined hands together and walked together and reached the winning post.
Officials were shocked.
Applause of thousands of spectators filled the stadium.
Many eyes were filled with tears and perhaps it had reached the GOD even!
YES. This happened in Hyderabad, recently! The sport was conducted by National Institute of Mental Health. All these special girls had come to participate in this event and they are spastic children. Yes, they were mentally challenged.
And truly special !!!
____________________________________________
Here is to hope that the world picks up DS, long after we are gone and walks with him to his finish line.
Self Awareness and Regulation
A neat little incident.
My mom was talking to DS (ofcourse, in his mother tongue). As he was talking, DW called him to tell him some thing. DS turns around and sweetly says "Oru Nimasham amma (one minute, mom), I'm talking to Patti".
That was too good; ofcourse, all of us had the persence of mind not to make a big deal of it. As soon he left the room we did a high-five and a jig (atleast, I did it :) ). The whole point about not making a song and dance about it was that DS seems to be more aware of all of this now and doing that would actually embarrass him...
...which takes to me the next point. DS seems to be more and more aware of himself and his surroundings and situations. That is leading to the next level of thought process - ie regulating himself. He is now talking about what his appropriate behaviour should be. What he could do when he is alone with us and what he would not when he is with someone else or visitors or his friends. He is also talking about the other part - what is inappropriate too. So, we see he is moving towards a bit of regulating his own behaviour.
For instance, some of his interaction with my mom has been stressful for him. He doesn't want to repeat himself and my mom cannot hear well. So, once after I play-acted with him to show about hearing issues with my mom. The next day, when my mother asked to repeat, he started with a loud voice then slowed down and announced "I started to scream, but I did not"...
So, is Self-regulation on the way ?
ps: If awareness and regulation is on the way, how much is he realizing that he is 'different' - probably knows it more now.
My mom was talking to DS (ofcourse, in his mother tongue). As he was talking, DW called him to tell him some thing. DS turns around and sweetly says "Oru Nimasham amma (one minute, mom), I'm talking to Patti".
That was too good; ofcourse, all of us had the persence of mind not to make a big deal of it. As soon he left the room we did a high-five and a jig (atleast, I did it :) ). The whole point about not making a song and dance about it was that DS seems to be more aware of all of this now and doing that would actually embarrass him...
...which takes to me the next point. DS seems to be more and more aware of himself and his surroundings and situations. That is leading to the next level of thought process - ie regulating himself. He is now talking about what his appropriate behaviour should be. What he could do when he is alone with us and what he would not when he is with someone else or visitors or his friends. He is also talking about the other part - what is inappropriate too. So, we see he is moving towards a bit of regulating his own behaviour.
For instance, some of his interaction with my mom has been stressful for him. He doesn't want to repeat himself and my mom cannot hear well. So, once after I play-acted with him to show about hearing issues with my mom. The next day, when my mother asked to repeat, he started with a loud voice then slowed down and announced "I started to scream, but I did not"...
So, is Self-regulation on the way ?
ps: If awareness and regulation is on the way, how much is he realizing that he is 'different' - probably knows it more now.
Trade !!!
Recently, there was a "good" thing that happened to us. Recognition came my way at work. One thing that I have consciously done is, in my prayers only ask for something that makes DS progress and make it a conscious point not to ask for anything for ourselves Nothing heroic, it is just that we have clearly internalized what is more important; and I also believe we have been given more than what we really want, compared to so many other unfortunate ones.
...so given that, as I was thanking providence for the recognition, a thought crossed my mind: would I trade any of it or all of it for DS' progress and development, total or incremental. The answer was crystal clear - yes I would. So, I was not clear why that "good" thing did come my way.
Then I realized that, perhaps this is the vehicle He has sent us to make that progress for DS.
I'm more at peace with myself.
...so given that, as I was thanking providence for the recognition, a thought crossed my mind: would I trade any of it or all of it for DS' progress and development, total or incremental. The answer was crystal clear - yes I would. So, I was not clear why that "good" thing did come my way.
Then I realized that, perhaps this is the vehicle He has sent us to make that progress for DS.
I'm more at peace with myself.
Contra Views...
There was a recently a post on one of the forums on a snippet about a doctor who had declared that kids in the spectrum are doomed for life and cannot recover etc etc. Few parents were rightly indignant and reacted angrily wanting to the out the name of the doctor. Although sometimes it is depressing to hear such things from the learned community - somewhere I recall reading that Medicine is not about just curing, its about curing with caring sensitivity - my reaction is thus:
--
As a "practicing parent" for the past ~7 years, let me give a contra view here. Lot of folks here have condemned the doc who had talked Autism being a lifelong condition and cannot be cured.
Do I agree, No. But am I outraged ? No. Doctors are professional, he has given his professional/informed (to what extent, is very subjective) views. We just have to take it as one more point of view. Personally, I don't mind diverse opinions, since it provides us with the worst case scenario that I can start preparing for. Providentially, in reality and in life, if the best case (or even average case) scenario happens, I'm better prepared and well covered.
So, I'm personally against naming the doctor. He has provided his view at a completely non-emotional level. And in his life time, data would him prove him wrong; and right. I think he was merely giving his professional opinion, even though its not what we want to hear. If we want someone to tell us what we want to hear, we should just go to our own parents/support-groups :) !!
Having said all of this, do I think there is going to be a cure (whatever that implies) - I don't know, don't care. All I know is that its possible for my son to have a close to normal life with obvious idiosyncrasies (like every other human being is). As parents, we will (and should) focus/continue to do things that raises the probability level of that result.
---
--
As a "practicing parent" for the past ~7 years, let me give a contra view here. Lot of folks here have condemned the doc who had talked Autism being a lifelong condition and cannot be cured.
Do I agree, No. But am I outraged ? No. Doctors are professional, he has given his professional/informed (to what extent, is very subjective) views. We just have to take it as one more point of view. Personally, I don't mind diverse opinions, since it provides us with the worst case scenario that I can start preparing for. Providentially, in reality and in life, if the best case (or even average case) scenario happens, I'm better prepared and well covered.
So, I'm personally against naming the doctor. He has provided his view at a completely non-emotional level. And in his life time, data would him prove him wrong; and right. I think he was merely giving his professional opinion, even though its not what we want to hear. If we want someone to tell us what we want to hear, we should just go to our own parents/support-groups :) !!
Having said all of this, do I think there is going to be a cure (whatever that implies) - I don't know, don't care. All I know is that its possible for my son to have a close to normal life with obvious idiosyncrasies (like every other human being is). As parents, we will (and should) focus/continue to do things that raises the probability level of that result.
---
Subjectivity Cycle - Part 2
Earlier had written about Subjectivity Cycle. Posting about this and discussing it in some other forum I have a bit more clarity on it.
RDI for us is still very key, since I believe its the one that does set-ups the structure (or functions) or lays the first foundation of "myelination", ie the first "conscious" way of creating pathways for the brain to recognize a function. And then comes the connections with various other methods (Enki, art forms etc) and elimination of inhibitors through SI.
The Subjectivity cycle is to give him a view through labs, that different perspectives exists for different people. Although there exists specific description of a baseball (contour, color, size - basically quantitative/objective), there is another subjective view to the same ball by different people (the color is not my choice, the ball is too small for my hand, the stitches are too obvious for me - basically qualitative/subjective).
That is what we are trying through those RDI-objectives in the Subjectivity cycle; ie:
=> A ball can be perceived differently
=> I've an emotional answer to my perception (like, don't like, don't care)
=> The emotion, however can subside/change over a period
=> based on that change, i can re-draw my subjectivity (able to live with the issues, start liking it etc)
=> and the change could drive a new perception
The intent is to see if lay a foundation to an appropriate appraisal function, rather than inappropriate ones (like fear, need to have things static etc). Hopefully this would lead to the causal analysis. We are figuring out the RDI labs around those "phases"; and then (hopefully) use the Making-the-connections thing with Enki, stories, playacting etc to further make the connections.
Hope I'm making sense !
ps: We are finding it tough to have the "don't care" emotion come through.
RDI for us is still very key, since I believe its the one that does set-ups the structure (or functions) or lays the first foundation of "myelination", ie the first "conscious" way of creating pathways for the brain to recognize a function. And then comes the connections with various other methods (Enki, art forms etc) and elimination of inhibitors through SI.
The Subjectivity cycle is to give him a view through labs, that different perspectives exists for different people. Although there exists specific description of a baseball (contour, color, size - basically quantitative/objective), there is another subjective view to the same ball by different people (the color is not my choice, the ball is too small for my hand, the stitches are too obvious for me - basically qualitative/subjective).
That is what we are trying through those RDI-objectives in the Subjectivity cycle; ie:
=> A ball can be perceived differently
=> I've an emotional answer to my perception (like, don't like, don't care)
=> The emotion, however can subside/change over a period
=> based on that change, i can re-draw my subjectivity (able to live with the issues, start liking it etc)
=> and the change could drive a new perception
The intent is to see if lay a foundation to an appropriate appraisal function, rather than inappropriate ones (like fear, need to have things static etc). Hopefully this would lead to the causal analysis. We are figuring out the RDI labs around those "phases"; and then (hopefully) use the Making-the-connections thing with Enki, stories, playacting etc to further make the connections.
Hope I'm making sense !
ps: We are finding it tough to have the "don't care" emotion come through.
War of the Roses !
This is not about the famous Danny De Vito's movie. Sometimes, both DW and DS will get into a tiff. DW will have reached a tether's end and DS would simply not want to do what the day's plan was. DW, usually patient (unusually patient for normal parents, if I may add) on a certain day would be on a short fuse.
As a DD/DH, I mostly would be without a clue - if its right to intervene and go with the flow or if I should help one of them to get out of that space, so that constructive dialog could start again. Last week, there was one such day. So after all the "fight", DS very tired crashed early on our bed. Later on, when I woke him up to move him to his bed, he went seeking his Mom, half-asleep to tell her "Sorry" and told her so. Further, he explained he is apologizing to his mom, since he had troubled her throughout the day !! This I believe, was such a moment of joy in a day of despair for DW.
It is one another proof of that there is normal emotional thought running through these kids, inspite of such behaviour tantrums. Leads me to believe more so, those behaviour are due to some overloads on their senses resulting from some eco-system "noises". Their need to react at an emotional level is getting submerged within the noises. Why would he resurface his emotional thought, after a brief calming ?
In any case and perhaps on a tangent, there is a news article recently, that confirms what is perhaps already know. That the IQ of these kids cannot be measured using the normal IQ tests administered to NT kids.
As a DD/DH, I mostly would be without a clue - if its right to intervene and go with the flow or if I should help one of them to get out of that space, so that constructive dialog could start again. Last week, there was one such day. So after all the "fight", DS very tired crashed early on our bed. Later on, when I woke him up to move him to his bed, he went seeking his Mom, half-asleep to tell her "Sorry" and told her so. Further, he explained he is apologizing to his mom, since he had troubled her throughout the day !! This I believe, was such a moment of joy in a day of despair for DW.
It is one another proof of that there is normal emotional thought running through these kids, inspite of such behaviour tantrums. Leads me to believe more so, those behaviour are due to some overloads on their senses resulting from some eco-system "noises". Their need to react at an emotional level is getting submerged within the noises. Why would he resurface his emotional thought, after a brief calming ?
In any case and perhaps on a tangent, there is a news article recently, that confirms what is perhaps already know. That the IQ of these kids cannot be measured using the normal IQ tests administered to NT kids.
"Investment" explained...
Earlier in this post, I had talked about securing DS's financial future to some extent. I had gone ahead with the Tata-AIG Mahalife plan for him last month with first premium payment on the right day, where the stars and planets were aligned !
Cut to the past. Whenever we talked to DS about buying some real estate, he always used to get perturbed about it to an extent. His worry was that he likes the current place that we are staying and buying real estate implies we will shift to that and he did not want it. We did not have much success in trying to explain that it was for "investment".
Cut to two days ago. I had told him that I have done something for him and he would get a certain amount of money monthly and wondered what he would do with it. He said, when he does not need it, he would give it to "amma" and when he needs it he would take it back from her. I had to pounce on the opportunity and told him that exactly what we do with the money; when we don't need it we "put" money either in bank or real-estate etc. And when we need it, we ask the bank to give it back or give the real-estate away and get the money back.
"Investment explained - QED" :-)
Cut to the past. Whenever we talked to DS about buying some real estate, he always used to get perturbed about it to an extent. His worry was that he likes the current place that we are staying and buying real estate implies we will shift to that and he did not want it. We did not have much success in trying to explain that it was for "investment".
Cut to two days ago. I had told him that I have done something for him and he would get a certain amount of money monthly and wondered what he would do with it. He said, when he does not need it, he would give it to "amma" and when he needs it he would take it back from her. I had to pounce on the opportunity and told him that exactly what we do with the money; when we don't need it we "put" money either in bank or real-estate etc. And when we need it, we ask the bank to give it back or give the real-estate away and get the money back.
"Investment explained - QED" :-)
Bracing for Braces...
Last friday, we went in for braces for DS. We have slowly gotten him to this part with some preparation:
So far, not much issues - he has complained of some pain - have applied the gel that the doc had given him and also crocin. He has been settling down. Due to grace from the one up above, we are not having much of an issue (touch wood); I tend to believe that there is some enduring (and endearing) fortitude in these kids that we cannot really fathom !
He is also looking forward to the fact that after September (when he believes the braces would be off), he is going to be much more handsome ! We have told him that !! And he feels shy about that !!! (That should be a good sign :)) !
- Do massage of his teeth and gums (with fingers)
- Some dental clean-up taking him to the dentist and photographing those
- Prep for braces by the Orthodontist - by having an elastic band tied to his teeth four weeks ago and then some metal rings three weeks ago.
So far, not much issues - he has complained of some pain - have applied the gel that the doc had given him and also crocin. He has been settling down. Due to grace from the one up above, we are not having much of an issue (touch wood); I tend to believe that there is some enduring (and endearing) fortitude in these kids that we cannot really fathom !
He is also looking forward to the fact that after September (when he believes the braces would be off), he is going to be much more handsome ! We have told him that !! And he feels shy about that !!! (That should be a good sign :)) !
Subjectivity Cycle !
Using the various RDI objectives that our consultant has given us, DW and I have abstracted it out to various phases of "Subjectivity development" - ie start with the concept of subjectivity and then the way forward on it. This would, hopefully, increase the DS's awareness of Subjectivity in others: how different people (and self) can perceive different based on situation, people, ecosystem, one's own experience and learning and so on and so forth.
Here is our take on how to increase subjectivity levels; moving from one to another and adding complexity as we move and model labs for each of it.
(click on the image below for higher resolution)
Here is our take on how to increase subjectivity levels; moving from one to another and adding complexity as we move and model labs for each of it.
(click on the image below for higher resolution)
Time for Physics ?! :)
DS had made a couple of observations in the past week.
On mirror, DW and I played the "mirror game". That is - face each other; one be the mirror image of the other. DS intently watched this - again not sure, if he got it, but DW and I had a bit of fun playing that game !!!! :)
- When looking through the peep-hole on the main-door, the people and objects look smaller and distant
- When looked into the mirror, the (digital) 2 looks like 5. This observation was inside an elevator
On mirror, DW and I played the "mirror game". That is - face each other; one be the mirror image of the other. DS intently watched this - again not sure, if he got it, but DW and I had a bit of fun playing that game !!!! :)
On Stage
About 10d ago, we had our "Apartment day" - Basically it is an annual celebration of formation of our apartment. Typically we have sports and cultural events. The sporting event starts couple of weeks earlier to the cultural.
DS was very keen that he participate in everything. He participated in sports (cycling and swimming). Of course, it was fun to watch him get onto the cycling race; and cycle normally (400m) around the apartment, completely ignoring that in the race that you need to be cycle faster. It, was in a way, sweet to watch him to do that. Then the same pattern on the swimming too.
As I had indicated in an earlier post he did sing MS's "Oli padaitha Kanninai" on stage. I do believe he did fairly a reasonable job at it, modulating as per pitch in the song (taped it and sending it to our RDI consultant). But the best was yet to come...
...The program ended with 3 girls dancing to a movie song. Towards the end of the song, whole audience of kids joined into the dance as the music played on. DS said he wanted to join the dance and ran to join the dance with all other kids on stage. His dance was jumping up and down. He paused at one point, intently watched the dance of other kids, as if he is studying their moves, then resumed his dance ! Also, captured on Video for our consultant to see!!!
It was quite cute and heartwarming to watch...
DS was very keen that he participate in everything. He participated in sports (cycling and swimming). Of course, it was fun to watch him get onto the cycling race; and cycle normally (400m) around the apartment, completely ignoring that in the race that you need to be cycle faster. It, was in a way, sweet to watch him to do that. Then the same pattern on the swimming too.
As I had indicated in an earlier post he did sing MS's "Oli padaitha Kanninai" on stage. I do believe he did fairly a reasonable job at it, modulating as per pitch in the song (taped it and sending it to our RDI consultant). But the best was yet to come...
...The program ended with 3 girls dancing to a movie song. Towards the end of the song, whole audience of kids joined into the dance as the music played on. DS said he wanted to join the dance and ran to join the dance with all other kids on stage. His dance was jumping up and down. He paused at one point, intently watched the dance of other kids, as if he is studying their moves, then resumed his dance ! Also, captured on Video for our consultant to see!!!
It was quite cute and heartwarming to watch...
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