I had earlier talked about Master Jay (a private instructor /therapist) coming in and working with DS twice a week for about 45 minutes.
As he was works DS out, the master typically takes a micro-break or three, to explain or let us know his approach and why he is doing a specific exercise. Once during such micro-breaks, he was talking to us, explaining about a specific kind of massage that helps anxiety or hyper-activity in these kids. The massage was to roll a small squeeze-ball (soft ball) between the DS's back with our flat palms. He demonstrated it, by rolling the ball on DS's back. Our conversation continued. He then said it helps the kids settle, calm down and sleep better. We responded saying, "touch wood, thats one thing we didn't have to worry about DS since his kid-days, since he was always a good sleeper". blah, blah...
As we were talking, DS who probably was tired due to the exercises, lay down on the exercise mat. We noticed that, stopped our discussion and asked him - "hey, what are you doing ?"
DS responded, "I'm just showing it works !!"...
O W N E D !!!!!
To sweat or not to sweat
[Written by DM]
Sunday morning, DS rushed to kitchen told his sweater is dirty; requested me to wash it today so he could wear it for School. I washed and kept it ready. Monday DS was getting ready for school wore the sweater and felt it was tight. DS was very disappointed and upset. DS liked the sweater very much and doesn't like to change what he has been doing for many months. That too it was a sweater that his dad used to wear.
DS now have to regulate his emotions, find what to wear; his emotions should not come in the way of him getting ready which sometimes is a challenge for him. DS came with ideas, that he will wear the jacket which he used to wear to other places, he was not happy as those jackets were old. DS did ask me what he can wear to keep himself warm. I asked him to wear the other old sweater and wear a jacket on top. He wasn't very happy. I was wondering if he will miss the bus, if we will find another sweater/jacket to wear, will his emotion affect his eating and many other thoughts came to me. As these thoughts coming to me, I was getting irritated, realized that my thoughts and feelings is not going to help DS. I decided I should not let my emotions come in the way, tried my best to be calm, though I could feel few times getting annoyed, managed not to show it to DS and help him to solve this problem and let him feel good about it as DS is very much aware big reactions are unexpected for small problems.
DS was asking if the sweater shrinked because we washed it, or he is outgrown it. DS upset saw me making dosas rolled with cauliflower curry; he wanted dosas without cauliflower, wanted podi. When I told I made cauliflower as you complained of stomach upset, DS said, OK I will have dosas with Sambar. I had some sambar in the fridge, which I heated. DS said he would like to have cauliflower curry. I know all these back forth talking about what he wants to have with dosa is because he was upset about the sweater. I just reflected his feelings that he is upset as the sweater is tight. I told let me stretch it and iron it. DS was very happy and relieved, hoping the sweater would fit. DS started having his dosas, I appreciated DS as his eating not getting affected because he is upset, also coming with good ideas of what to wear. I told this is the way to solve a problem, we try one way if it does not work, we have to come with another one, till we find a way which works. Once I finished ironing he wanted to try the sweater out immediatly and then eat. I encouraged him to eat fast and then try. It was a double sided sweater. DS said he will try both sides and see, again he was coming with what he can do. He tried both the sides, till felt it was tight. He wanted me to come with some ideas.
I told if you can manage bit uneasiness today, you will feel comfortable tomorrow. I asked him to wear one sweatshirt and jacket, he was still not happy, asking me give him more options. I was getting annoyed, but calmly told I am thinking about it. You too can also think what to wear. After a while DS said he can wear a sleeveless jacket and a full jacket. I was soooo happy that he found what he can wear, I could feel he was happy to have solved the problem. This experience ended with a positive note for DS that he can solve the problem and feel good. It was a learning experience for me not to get carried away with my emotions/thoughts but to stay calm and be AT-EASE. We should now label it the "sweater problem" to use it as an example for other similar issues.
Sunday morning, DS rushed to kitchen told his sweater is dirty; requested me to wash it today so he could wear it for School. I washed and kept it ready. Monday DS was getting ready for school wore the sweater and felt it was tight. DS was very disappointed and upset. DS liked the sweater very much and doesn't like to change what he has been doing for many months. That too it was a sweater that his dad used to wear.
DS now have to regulate his emotions, find what to wear; his emotions should not come in the way of him getting ready which sometimes is a challenge for him. DS came with ideas, that he will wear the jacket which he used to wear to other places, he was not happy as those jackets were old. DS did ask me what he can wear to keep himself warm. I asked him to wear the other old sweater and wear a jacket on top. He wasn't very happy. I was wondering if he will miss the bus, if we will find another sweater/jacket to wear, will his emotion affect his eating and many other thoughts came to me. As these thoughts coming to me, I was getting irritated, realized that my thoughts and feelings is not going to help DS. I decided I should not let my emotions come in the way, tried my best to be calm, though I could feel few times getting annoyed, managed not to show it to DS and help him to solve this problem and let him feel good about it as DS is very much aware big reactions are unexpected for small problems.
DS was asking if the sweater shrinked because we washed it, or he is outgrown it. DS upset saw me making dosas rolled with cauliflower curry; he wanted dosas without cauliflower, wanted podi. When I told I made cauliflower as you complained of stomach upset, DS said, OK I will have dosas with Sambar. I had some sambar in the fridge, which I heated. DS said he would like to have cauliflower curry. I know all these back forth talking about what he wants to have with dosa is because he was upset about the sweater. I just reflected his feelings that he is upset as the sweater is tight. I told let me stretch it and iron it. DS was very happy and relieved, hoping the sweater would fit. DS started having his dosas, I appreciated DS as his eating not getting affected because he is upset, also coming with good ideas of what to wear. I told this is the way to solve a problem, we try one way if it does not work, we have to come with another one, till we find a way which works. Once I finished ironing he wanted to try the sweater out immediatly and then eat. I encouraged him to eat fast and then try. It was a double sided sweater. DS said he will try both sides and see, again he was coming with what he can do. He tried both the sides, till felt it was tight. He wanted me to come with some ideas.
I told if you can manage bit uneasiness today, you will feel comfortable tomorrow. I asked him to wear one sweatshirt and jacket, he was still not happy, asking me give him more options. I was getting annoyed, but calmly told I am thinking about it. You too can also think what to wear. After a while DS said he can wear a sleeveless jacket and a full jacket. I was soooo happy that he found what he can wear, I could feel he was happy to have solved the problem. This experience ended with a positive note for DS that he can solve the problem and feel good. It was a learning experience for me not to get carried away with my emotions/thoughts but to stay calm and be AT-EASE. We should now label it the "sweater problem" to use it as an example for other similar issues.
The Emerging Future, Imagined...
We had a blog called "The Emerging Future, Imagined...". The intent of the blog was imagine a future for DS and talk to him about that through stories. The character in those stories were Rahul, who is always four years older than DS; and the stories would be out Rahul's experience through life. The intent was to provide a picture to DS about what his life in the future could be.
We started on this about 4-5 years ago, but it kind of fell through, since the stories were hijacked by DS, who used those to recall his experiences. We didn't try to push him back on the Rahul line, since we found that when DS tells stories, he is making connections between disparate set of data and his life experiences and making sense out of it and internalize the learnings.
However... ;-) However, a few weeks ago, in one of our long drives, DS imagined his future and told the story. The character Dev, is a 28 year old young man, who has bought a Maruti Esteem (his dream) and he has gone from the dealership to his parent's house to pick his parents up and they are going to the temple to do the puja for the car.
Oh yes, Dev lives alone on his own and has just asked his parents to look for a girl for him to be a wife !!!
We started on this about 4-5 years ago, but it kind of fell through, since the stories were hijacked by DS, who used those to recall his experiences. We didn't try to push him back on the Rahul line, since we found that when DS tells stories, he is making connections between disparate set of data and his life experiences and making sense out of it and internalize the learnings.
However... ;-) However, a few weeks ago, in one of our long drives, DS imagined his future and told the story. The character Dev, is a 28 year old young man, who has bought a Maruti Esteem (his dream) and he has gone from the dealership to his parent's house to pick his parents up and they are going to the temple to do the puja for the car.
Oh yes, Dev lives alone on his own and has just asked his parents to look for a girl for him to be a wife !!!
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