Graduations!!!

(Reflections of DM)

DS will be finishing school, in couple of weeks, he will be earning certification of attendance, which does not mean nor has great value in the world right now, but it is great deal of accomplishment for DS and us. As a kid DS, gets very anxious even for the small changes, he used to be upset and have meltdowns for the moon changing it shape every day, flowers wilting, sun not to be seen on cloudy days, trees being cut for widening the roads…All these helped him to understand about phases of moon, life of flower, water cycle etc.,.

When DS is usually in a situations when he is unable to cope/handle/regulate his emotions, makes rules, which gave him a great sense of security, when DS has to face a situation if he has to do against or not follow the rule, DS will be in fight/flight mode, comes with maladaptive practices. For example, DS may not like when we share one of our beans bags to a friend,  he makes a rule in his mind, “I will never use beans bags.” suppressing all his emotions though DS is a pretty verbal. Someday, we may casually say “Let’s sit in bean bag.” the beanbag becomes a big source of anxiety and will trigger a meltdown. We will all be puzzled what is happening and why. DS had built a many walls around him and has shut many things out of his world. We knew DS had difficulty when suddenly something happens he had difficulty in accepting. We were able to get him do few things. Few very good therapist who have worked with DS, tried to help him carry a back pack, took him to a book store, buying gift for him etc., have all mentioned “The day he happily accepts gift with a smile will be his graduation day”; “The day he will buy a book from Barnes and Nobles will be his graduation day.” We went to PACE place, at Oregon, http://www.paceplace.org/, they figured out about DS makes sense of the world and copes by making rules. Their immersion program made DS aware of him making rules, it was yet another journey for us in facilitating DS with rules he made and in overcoming them, over a period of time, DS was able to tell why he made those rules also was able to make connections to the previous rules, who and how we helped him. DS now happily accepts gifts, carries backpack, buys books etc… DS story about his rules http://www.vibgyorchild.blogspot.com/2014/05/rules-that-ruled.html [Middle school graduation]

DS brain is wired to avoid unpleasant situations by making rules, one of the rule, I consider mother of all the rules was made when he was 3, Colorado (not diagnosed), I usually walk to the school, and one day I picked him up in car later we moved back to India and I never drove, when we have to shift to US in 2008, DS condition to move, “Mom should not drive in US because unexpectedly she drove to playschool.” DS has grown up to where I can drive but not with him. The idea/thought of me driving him has becomes the big barrier for him to plan an outing with his friends, to talk when anyone talk about cars/mom driving, shift the house etc. DS is now in awareness stage that this rule is not helping him, makes him feel nervous, anxious and it affects other things. DS finally said, “One day I will eventually get used to mom driving the car with me. Right now I will not let it affect shifting house or my outing with my friends or anyone talking about cars.” There is lot of underlying unresolved emotions associated with the rules, which needs to be released and negative memories to be replaced with positive ones [High School Graduation]

The day I will drive the car with him to all the places happily will be his College Bachelor’s Degree Graduation!!! Mom driving car with DS will be end result, what he learns during the process of reaching the dream will becomes his lessons for life! A dream yet to be and will be conquered!!!