As you know traveling for me is always not nice, since I have to leave you and amma and go. That is the most painful part for me. If possible, I will like to be around you all the time.
That made me thinking. When I am at home, we do not spend time always together. We are together when we watch a movie, or go on a drive or when we eat. But at other times, you in the room, doing your own thing and I'm in the room working or watching TV.
So, it made me ask why?
Then I realize that you are no longer a small boy - you are an 18 year old young adult. I should treat you so and respect your privacy, your thoughts and your own space. So, maybe, sometimes when you are alone you think about things that is important to you... May be you are thinking about what your life will be, how will you manage your job-sites, how much you need to study for GED or otherwise.
I'm very proud of you, Kan - how much you have changed in the past few years, how much you've understood. We know it has been very hard for you, but you continue to try and make a very sincere effort, in spite of your brain telling you different.
This is the greatest character trait that you have - Trying to understand the noise/dis-order around you and making sense out of it; in spite of challenges, not giving up easily. You are living CARS (Challenge, Aware, Regulate, Sustain) every day!
I am so proud of you and when I think of you, I'm in awe of you - not many people can attempt to rewire the brain !
Finally, I am so deeply thankful to you. Slowly over the years, you have changed me from what I was to a much better person that I am now. You have very clearly taught me, on what is important in both within myself and outside of me - where the real joy is. At the same time, you have shown me that there are everyday blessings that I can recognize and appreciate. You have made me to look inside and see what is that I can do to change first before I ask others to.
I know that I'm not yet where you are and where I want to be. Your mum may be with you and ahead of me. I may never be that; but, I promise that I will try my hardest and continue to rewire my brain as I walk with you on this journey.
I love you very much Kans, I hope you know how much!
Take care, try hard, grow well, have faith & believe/trust...