DS has reprised Bryan Adams 40 years later... DS has said this summer are the best of his life so far... and we are only into 3rd week of his summer holidays - its another matter that 3 weeks have flown by !
It has been a long time since we had updated the blog. Touch wood, things are going ok and well. More importantly, DW is happy and DS is happy with DM and both are happy together... This itself implies that the situation is positive :-).
DS has finished his schooling year - the first in the US of A. The school report says he has done well. And he has said that he likes the school, very specifically the class room that he goes to. He is getting a lot social cues at class and is beginning to talk to his class-mates about his likes and dislikes and share those stories. I also believe he feels more comfortable with the school here, since he goes to a special day class and does not feel the pressure as much as it is in normal classes. Although this is probably slowing down his academic progress, we believe it is helping him develop is EQ and functional thinking..
Re summer activities - this summer has been labelled as "physical summer" - He has suddenly found interest in Tennis and we have put him in a Tennis class - the coach who has taught special kids before seems very patient with him. His swimming classes start next week. Additionally, he continues to go the Karate class which he seems to enjoy. I believe these are all providing the neccessary sensory inputs to him and that is the reason he relishes it himself. And my own belief is that physical activities help in high level of mental engagement.
On others, this summer, he has got into group session at Michelle Garcia Winner center of Social thinking - this is now known as Teach Social. This is in addition to the individual classes. All of this is helping significantly. We have also started using Connector Rx. It has helped us (ie DW/I with DS) to be "in the moment" - he has shown some initiation skills when we have strapped this on. We are continuing with RDI, Impulse creations, aura healing, whole movement... we believe each on its own is not the sole reason that contributes to the development. To me this is like, solving the a problem in the "complex" quadrant of the Cynefin framework. This framework is a good way to look at PDD - we apply "Emergent Practices" approach, where the Cause and Effect are not immediately seen and aren't close to each other. One probes, senses and then responds. So these multi-dimensional practices helps us to probe different possibilities - for example, Impulse creation helps learning with the body; Whole movement is a tool that I believe helps DS to look at the way one can organize information and to be able to address a larger problem, but starting from fractals. RDI helps in developing functional thinking, Teach Social helps him in the intersection of functional and skills. His regular school is where he is learning specific skills. To us, function is the thinking part (why, what) and skills is the doing part (how, when). Each of them separately isn't that helpful.
And with all this, DS has said this summer has been the best for him ! So, something is working for him - like they say, dont fix it, if it ain't broke...
In spite of all the uncertainty in my job front, things are looking up... Hopefully, the trajectory continues to remain true North. Touch Wood. Thank God.
Shot through the heart...
Blogging after a long time...
We want to treat DS as a grown up and he oscillates being a big boy to a small kid. Sometime he resents being told something (just like any other boy in the cusp of teen-age) and sometime he is just a baby... So I was telling him that day that we talk about all these things, because he is growing up and he is no longer a baby and there are social expectations of him (not in so many words though)... Also, we told him that he would live far beyond us and at that time there may not be much help available to him; as my parents have outlived their parents etc etc. He heard that and asked some questions around that... Later on, that night, while in bed, he asked me couple of times as to what I told and why I told those (ie we, as his parents would die earlier than him)... We can see it was playing in his mind.
The very next day this event happened. He has a very favourite pillow - its his imaginary everything - friend, confidante etc. There was some damage to it and he was really broken. He cried for long and during that time, he told me that neither of us are important for him and his pillow was important; and we could leave the house or he would with the pillow...
It was quite rending to hear those words... But after a while, thinking about it, I wonder if his reaction was based on the talk we had the night before - on impermanence of us...
Penumbral Motivation...
Somehow I've always emagined/presenced that DS will become a good doctor or something to do in the field of medicine/life-sciences - his ability to remember things, to be able to co-relate facts to several degrees deeper and masked, and his sensitivity to people would render himself to be effective - I'm hopeful that is his calling !
Last week, there was a reading comprehension lesson given to DS. This was about the heart-beat - there were several sentences given about heart and he had to find what the central theme as about (which he did); but the offshoot of that is what was that made us more happy. He was really really unhappy to know that heart beats stops and all of us would die - including us; i think he is internalizing that himself, although we have talked about death to him sometime ago. His DM has also talked about Hindu philosophy of the soul and body (there was another correlation that he made - that in a different post later)... Back to the story, hearing about the heart-beat he was very disturbed and said that he wanted to have the same body (hmmm, what was that about not being in control of their body and sensory integration issues - do they really have that or is that our perception ?) even after he dies ! But then he wanted to know how to live forever !
He then went ahead and googled "live forever" and found out some work done by this researcher, Aubrey de Grey. He has now started reading about Aubrey de Grey and still shown interest to know more about what this researcher is doing; the only challenge is the words are high flying and a lot complexer !
One idea we had was to use Whole-movement Tetrahedron to explain different biological system within the body and then build it from there... Again, the worry here for me is, is this the right approach - in system vs details ? do we build the system as a whole and get him to see the details ? Or build he details and let the system emerge ?
Where Amazing Happens !
Btw, thats the tag-line for the "National Basketball Association" (Professional Basket ball league here)...
Where Amazing happens is also in our lives ! Day to day, where DS amazes us with his repertoire. As springs sets in, there is a lot more sun and today DS and I decided to take a walk to the park nearby and then walk around the apartment. And here is the story...
Today:
As we were walking past the tennis courts, there was a kid with his dad going home after their games. The kid was munching an organic bar. As we went past them, I told DS that the kid was eating the energy bar, just like the one we bought him (organic, gfcf, sugar-free)... DS appeared not to hear, but after few steps, slowly turned his head and looked at the kid, looked elsewhere and then turned his head back... I looked at him puzzled and asked, "Kid..."
4 months ago, during Thanksgiving Holiday (late Nov):
DS wanted to go on a local train and we went on the locals. As we were going across town, a family of three got on the train and took a seat in front of us - mom, older child about 7 and a baby. DS, not so socially aware, stared at the baby and his antics. I told him that its not ok to stare like that; and btw, if you know DS, he doesn't like two things - when the voice is raised and if we correct him unexpectedly. And he felt silent after that in that ride. Later on, I kind of explained to him about the whole thing and told him sorry that I had to correct him unexpectedly.
Back to Today:
...I looked at him puzzled and asked, "Kid... what did you do ? Did you see that ?". He said, "yes I did, but you told me long time ago not to look at strangers "straight on their face", which is why I did that slowly after looking somewhere else"...
My heart swelled with pride !!!
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ps: Rest of the walk, we talked about social rules vs police laws; what a society is, what are unwritten rules etc, and how he behaves differently when there are guests at home and that is nothing but he following some "social" rules himself... etc etc etc etc...
Movie Magic
I had posted on this line, in one of the parent support forum, where there was some discussion re ails of visual media (TV).
We have used the visual medium effectively to develop (and in the process of doing it) some key skills in DS.
We have movie days every friday - where we bring in known Tamil movies. Ahead of time, we tell DS the story of the movie. While he is watching, we try to work on his comprehension and see if that could be improved; we also freeze the movie at certain place and ask S to identify what the character feels and why does s/he think so ("he is happy because he got a job and i can see from his face, since he is smiling; He is angry, because the other person cheated him and I can find out because he shouted" etc)... Also, it is helping him look at the story-level rather than details ( which would earlier be - "he opened the left door of the car, drove through trees to go to the shop and on the way he crossed a dog and an auto" vs "he went shopping for his wife")... The movies has become a tool for us to teach Emotional Intelligence !!!
DS has now begun to want to dance as the heroes do - it gives him a good SI input. We have also seen some of the SI exercises prescribed for him form some portions of the dance-moves in the songs. So, its easy to get him to do those SI moves. He now wants to tape his dances and watch them - I believe they improve his self-awareness and his own view of his body and balance. I'm hoping the recording would help him see the differences between what the movie actor does versus what he does (in terms of performance/moves)... I hope that would lead to DS's better understanding himself.
Additionally, for him to watch movies on Friday, he needs to pay out "3 Poker chips" - so he earns those throughout the week doing work. And he is learning some basic accounting. Also, some negotiations, since he wanted us to make movies a bit more in-expensive, particularly when he doesn't have enough poker chips (or happy sticks)...
We have also used his favourite movies (he has seen) to teach the concept of history, based on their release date and the timeline on a white-board and what else did happen in that specific year. We plan to teach the "history of movies" now... We use the upper-half of the timeline for movie-history and the bottom-half for some other history (like cricket, India etc).
Growing some Non-chalance
DS and I used to have some standard exchanges.
He would want to know as to where we (DW & I) went or what we did, in his absence (particularly his mom, since he doesn't like her to do something that he too likes when he is not around). To his question, I would ask him why - as to why he wants to know. He'd say something that is quite standard - "I'd like to know", to which my standard response would be, "thats not the real why, so tell me why do you like...". After couple of repetitions of such back and forth, it would get to him and he'd show his stress in his face and by his "stimming behaviour" - ie clasping his palms tightly...
Yesterday, after a couple of "you tell - no you tell - no you tell first" between us, he said, "ok, don't tell" and walked away... There is a Buddha lurking in that DS :)
Yay !
Mental Fortitude...
Yep, those are big words ... Lets just call it mental strength...
I'm discovering that DS has great mental strength. Once he decides, its pretty much easy for him to stick to it. I know folks would say thats typical of such kids. Somehow, I think everyone has their temptation and would want to do things that is forbidden :) Here are couple of examples.
- I had written about DS sleeping alone. However, he sleeps in the living room; and in there, the sound of the rain on the roof and the wall mounted AC is pretty high. So. he does get scared of that sound (and it has been raining quite incessantly for the past few days). So, I had asked him last night that since its raining, would he want to sleep with us, partly due to my own issues. But he was quite clear. Nope, like last night, I'll sleep in "Thatha's room" (the room, that my parent's used when they visited us). For the past two nights he has been sleeping there soundly...
- Last weekend he had an invite from one of his class-mates for a birthday celebration at a bowling alley, that he really loves to go to and bowl. But he hadn't told us about it at all; the invite was amongst his books in his bags. When DW saw that on Monday morning and asked him, he said he didn't want to go, but didn't really explain really well. However, later on during the evening, when DW talked to him using the "Rahul story" (which DS has taken to, with his own version of character called "Red Thala"), DS had explained that he didn't go to the party because he had several dietary exceptions already in the recent past - 'boys day out' with me (at Chinese joint), eating out the local Komal Vilas, eating at a friend's place; and he simply didn't want to eat cake at the party which they would ask him to. And to avoid the temptation he simply decided he would not go !!!! Amazing !!!!!!!!!!!
Given this, I believe he has great mental strength. So, I believe this was a good time to talk to him about "melt-downs" (or temper tantrums)... So both of us talked to him about "meltdowns" and why its normal for people to have it and how people react to it differently when they have one. For the past few days, we are playing the "True/False" games around a few melt-down 'facts". Eventually, I want to lead it to a point where he does know melt-downs are pretty normal and he will need to find a way to handle it in a way it does not perturb people around him...
Like Floyd says, "the Child is grown, the dream is gone...", only in this instance, the dream is still out there and it might very much come true !
Clarification Please ?
Is it that, DS should not be sleeping with us ? Would that mean that I can go sleep with him, in the room where he sleeps !?!
Ah ! Thank you !
(and yes, I know about the letting go, funda !)
Red day !
In any case, one of the things we have been thinking about, given his age, that he needs to sleep alone. He has slept with one of us all the time, and lately sleeping in the same room but not in the same bed. He had agreed to sleep in a different room recently... However, I think I was the one who was resisting the idea, perhaps given his fear of darkness and general anxiety. DW was saying it was not DS, but me who was making all the excuses as to why he cant sleep alone. DW was cool, she just moved on quickly... I was the one who wasn't letting go easily. I felt as though I wasn't looking after his safety, although intellectually, I know by doing this, i probably look after his safety more... Stepping back, I think DS is really growing up in his own mind and perhaps really wants to be treated so.
Anyways, as I had said earlier, there is a time to hold on to and there is a time let go - not just mentally, but also physically !
Directional Sense !
DS just amazed us yesterday.
DW was going for a lecture last night and us boys were to have a night-out on our own (which we did and a bit of that in the 'ps').
As we get out of our residential area, in a complex maze of roads, we need to hit a freeway to head to the destination. From Steven's Creek, we get on to the ramp as an entry into free-way for 3 of them - 85 North, I-280 North and I-280 South. That entrance is quite complex and you kind of go around, that its easy to lose your bearings directionally (atleast for someone like me who is directionally challenged).
So the two key roads to this post are, Steven's Creek Boulevard and I-280. We had to get of SCB and then enter I-280 and travel South.
As soon as we said thats the way we are going, DS remarked that Steven's Creek boulevard goes in the same direction as I-280; but SCB is called SCB east and SCB West; where I-280 is called North and South. If you see the picture below you'd see what he means (although I-280 takes a turn towards South-East, much further out)... I was quite amazed that he got it - he is not into maps much. I thought it was a remarkable observation or mapping in his own mind !! The two roads are circled in red in the map...
We later on tested if he understood the directions - and asked him what happens if we travel North and take a right-turn or travel west and take a left turn. He got those... jujeebee !
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ps: After dropping DW off at the venue, we went to a mall covering the 1.5miles in about 4miles (I did tell you I'm directionally challenged and I'm the only person on the face of the earth, who could lose the way with GPS showing you the way !!). At the foodcourt, DS was all eager to eat McDonald stuff and fries. As we went to the food court, he saw Panda Express (Chinese fast food) and switched over. A few years ago, such a change could not have been imagined !
History, Geography and Comprehension !
We somehow think that DS would do well in descriptive subjects because of his memory retention. The belief is that he would do well in history, geography, life sciences and not that well in math.
Two days later, he was talking to DW. He has been struggling with the fact as to what would happen to the HAL airport since the new airport in Bangalore had come up ! In his talk to DW, he said, "Amma, I know what they can do with the old HAL airport. We could leave it as is. It would be the history for Bangalore"...
So we are setting out to teach him history. But we are starting small. We have a white-board where, we have drawn a timeline. Starting from 1950 (when Rajnikanth was born and for some reason he is a big fan of Rajnikanth - if you ask him, he'd say because Rajnikanth ate Chillies in the movie Sivaji and he finds that funny), we drew a timeline uptil 2009. And started
mapping out various events, as to who were born at what date etc and other events. And
then we told him, if we are at 2009, looking back uptil 1950 is history. Then we drew the map of South India and mapped where each of those events took place - i.e the name of places - and termed it Geography. The picture that you see on the whiteboard on the left top corner is that of Rajnikanth (in the movie Sivaji - thats yet another way of getting him to accept the white-board)...
So far good; so we knew he would retain the information. But because of the articulation challenges, I was doubtful if he comprehended the "history" part.
Two days later, he was talking to DW. He has been struggling with the fact as to what would happen to the HAL airport since the new airport in Bangalore had come up ! In his talk to DW, he said, "Amma, I know what they can do with the old HAL airport. We could leave it as is. It would be the history for Bangalore"...
Comprehended. Articulated. QED.
Questions, questions...
DS has been asking tons of questions these days ! Here are some of them:
1) Why do we sleep at night and be awake during the day ? What happens to people in the night shift ?
2) Why can't we eat breakfast, lunch and dinner together ?
3) Did the fruit "orange" get the name from the color (orange) or did the color orange come from the fruit ?
Emotional Intelligence... (or whatever) !
DS has been throwing up surprises as usual.
That day, DW was cutting vegetables and DS was elsewhere. He heard DW gasp and came and asked her what happened. DW told him that she had cut 
herself in a very very small way. Immediately, he wanted to fix it. DW told him that it was ok, but he looked up the "injury" and wanted to "take care of it". He asked for the "first aid" box (his words - schooling process, I guess), picked it up; looked for a band-aid and then asked DW if she wanted a big one or a smaller one.
On the choice, picked one himself, peeled it off and put it on DW's fingers. DW was over the moon. She said it was her "appalam" experience !
(DS has been a fount of such suprises of late and he has been asking so many other things too... Would blog that a bit later)
Raining Jokes !
This morning, when DS left for the class, there was a slight drizzle. Since he doesn't like wearing caps, I had told him that if it rains heavily when he reaches school, he may want to run quickly from the bus stop into the class room, so that he does not get wet.
Later in the day, during the evening, I had asked him if he got wet in the rain this morning. He said no, he did not get wet. He got only half percent wet. Then added in a serious tone, but "that day, I got completely wet..., fully 100% wet..." (He is also getting the percentage concept these days!)
I was naturally worried (cold, cough, fever and all that flashed through my mind), and asked, "really, when was that ?"...
He responded with suppressed laugh and twinkle in his eyes, "I was standing under the shower !!!".
Joker !!!
Telling him...
We have been thinking for a while now. When do we talk about two things (1) death... I.e., we will not live forever and he would be living on his own without appa and amma, but perhaps with his wife and children and his cousins (2) the 2nd point being that he is special.
On the first one, we have been kind of talking about it... We talked about my grand-parent's passing away when he grew old. His athai-patti (my favourite aunt, if I may add), who he has seen, had passed away. So, we had talked about death... But didn't think he had internalized it...
The second point was that he is 'different'... We have been kind of talking about it in generalities... That people are different, I am different, I like so and so, DW is different... Etc and you are different. You like Thayir-sadam uncle (tamil actor Vijay) and amma like (yet another tamil actor) Surya etc...
We got an opportunity, to (again, kinda) bring them together. A slight by-story. We travelled from India + we have been told that DW should not be lifting heavy objects. So, I told him that he is a big boy and he need to help me more. Since then he has been stepping up... Even being flexible, to carry the two galon milk carton (that he does not like)... So we have been using the fact that he is 12 and he needs to help out at home much more... he needs to "listen to himself" (his own term - there is another story there)..
On the first one, we have been kind of talking about it... We talked about my grand-parent's passing away when he grew old. His athai-patti (my favourite aunt, if I may add), who he has seen, had passed away. So, we had talked about death... But didn't think he had internalized it...
The second point was that he is 'different'... We have been kind of talking about it in generalities... That people are different, I am different, I like so and so, DW is different... Etc and you are different. You like Thayir-sadam uncle (tamil actor Vijay) and amma like (yet another tamil actor) Surya etc...
We got an opportunity, to (again, kinda) bring them together. A slight by-story. We travelled from India + we have been told that DW should not be lifting heavy objects. So, I told him that he is a big boy and he need to help me more. Since then he has been stepping up... Even being flexible, to carry the two galon milk carton (that he does not like)... So we have been using the fact that he is 12 and he needs to help out at home much more... he needs to "listen to himself" (his own term - there is another story there)..
With that introduction... a couple of days ago, he had that laughing thing going for a while. He had done that in the Winner's class (now called Teach Social), but I did not know about it. On return, he also laughed a bit at home. We plunged head-on... We told him that laughter is ok and if he feels like laughing he should. Particularly when he is with us it is not a big deal, since we are all different and he is different too. And then we told him that once he is big enough to be on his own and when we aren't there any more, others around may not understand why he laughs and may find it strange. He said right off - that he doesn't like talking about it (ie death); we did tell him that there is still a long way to go; that we will live upto 75 years old, by which time he'd be my age etc etc...
The crux of the story is yet to come :-). During later part of that evening, while we were walking, he was thoughtful. And he said in a very serious and quiet tone that he laughed during the Winner's class...
We started with something in mind and it has lead some where else. He is reflecting more on his own actions...
Our Intentions for DS
I had been to a seminar two weeks ago, run by an long-time educator, by name Dr.Jean Schweitzer. Her blog is at this place. Her email is also available there. She has also written couple of books around how movement is neccessary for children to learn. There is something that Dr.Jean asked me during the seminar, that continued to stay in my mind. "What do we intend for our son ?" - So DM and I thought about it. We thought it might be good for us to do the 9 codes (movement) talking through the following (not verbatim but something like that):
1. Heart Code: The possibilities are endless for what DS could become. He has great sense of humor, highly sensitive, cares for people and enjoys company of people who can reflect him. He likes to be happy and keep people around him happy.
2. Focus: He could have been like every other kid or he could have been very different - but he is what he is today
3. Express: We enjoy him for what he is and love him very deeply. He is our healer. He give us joy with his actions and his care. He is loved by his extended family. As he is fortunate to have all of this, we are fortunate to have him.
4. Expand: We can worry about several what ifs. But we will work on one 'what if': on visioning that DS would have a happy life ahead of him. Regardless of what he is, he will live independently, will have a family on his own that would be supportive of him and sensitive to him as he would be to them.
5. Align: He would be happy and at peace at himself, like that indelible image in my (DD) mind of his flips inside the water; or the image of his peaceful face in the swing with the soft instrumental in teh background.
6. Eliminate: We are not going to let fear cloud our intentions
7. Create: We will create environment for him to learn on skills and knowledge that will help him in his journey and live a life beyond us.
8. Transform: In this environment and with the intentions of being an enabler for DS, we will look to change our lives, working with DS in a positive way.
9. Integrate: We are certain that we will have Providence in our corner, showing us the way and give us the fortitude to bring the intentions and actions together, at end of which our intentions for DS bears fruit.
DM and I plan to do the 9 codes ourselves saying those words.
The Tastiest bite ever !
DS did an amazing thing today !!!
He usually likes to eat Appalam (pappad)
after food - sometimes before food and sometimes during food - basically he loves appalam. Since he knows how to operate the microwave, he just opens the shelf, picks 2-4 (he likes even numbers too :) ), microwaves it on his own and eats it.
Today he did the same, but he did something beyond.
He took 5 pieces, microwaved them, then brought one to me... He has seen me eating appalam a few times too. He told me that since he has seen me eating appalam often, he thought he'd make me one !!! No prompting, none. He just did that on his own !!!
I was over the moon ! If I could kept the appalam
forever, I would have !! However, here it is - one the other form that I could preserve and enjoy it !!
Parallel World...
DW and I hit upon an idea... We want to create a parallel world, where there is a boy named Rahul, who is 4 years older to DS... We were wondering if we keep talking to DS about Rahul 4 years from now as he goes through his life... everyday (or once in two days, but few times a week), about 4-5 sentences about Rahul's day or week...
Here is a bit of intro about Rahul:
Rahul is a wonderful boy (of +4 years of DS' age)... He is highly sensitive, humorous and very affectionate. He cares about people's feelings but cannot express it well. He likes to have people around him and they have to be happy. Although Rahul likes people, he is very shy and finds it tough to make social conversations.
Rahul likes to listen to music; Although he could discern music well and repeat the notes, he is just learning to play the keyboard. Rahul also likes to watch movies and likes Kirigami/Origami - he likes to see various forms and structures with paper. Rahul loves to understand the details of certain things, particularly that of things that locomote - cars, buses, aeroplanes, trains; but not so much about ships or helicopters! Rahul likes to understand directions and roads; although he can visualize the map so clearly in his head, he will have trouble articulating it. He once brought his grandparents home when he was 11 from a walk, when they were a bit confused about the way. Rahul is extremely organized and he could plan a trip to the minutest details.
Regarding school, Rahuk likes descriptive subjects. He does not like Math so much, since he could be either right or wrong; and he hates to be wrong, not just in Math but anywhere. Although, he is not very academically oriented, he can comprehend some of the subjects well. He can remember things that he hears and see very well, although he does not like to read visually. He is good in Life-sciences, history and Geography. He is also very good in English vocabulary.
Rahul likes to cook and eat some good food. He loves chicken and ice-cream; although he cannot eat the latter very much, except on "exception days".
Rahul has some trouble with certain noises and a sense of overwhelm sometimes. But he has found defense mechanisms for those. Rahul also has challenges with unexpected changes in once in a while, but he can talk it through himself. He finds parallel within his mind from the past and draws upon those experiences...
In this story, Rahul goes to school as every other boy of his age, finds a friend, finds his mojo and his own space in the world...
We also want to see how DS reacts to the story and if it gets him into introspection…
Periodic Inspiration...
I talked about a response to the article I wrote in the Hindu (newspaper)... This is a response that a dear friend of mine sent me when he read the article. In times of confusion and sometimes despair, I read this response... It does inspire to believe in a greater message/cause that is in store for us; and refresh the journey !!
Here is that response:
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Read your article in The Hindu, today. Great to know you are supporting your son with all you can. God has made each one of us different, and special in His own way. It is all about how we make use of what He has given us. Kurai ontrum ille, Kanna. Thank you for sharing your experience with a world that is conducting crawling race for babies of few months.
I strongly believe He has given me a lot of talent, and a healthy body. He has blessed me so much that I am very likely to live to see my retirement age, and far beyond unless He chooses to cancel my visa in His own way. I believe He has blessed me with a "normal mind" that passed though all the required academic exams and job selections with flying colors. So what?!!
I envy Dr.Hawking. Born 1942, Dr.Hawking's doctors predicted his early death in 1963 from the incurable neuromuscular disorder--he couldn't use his arms and legs; he cannot feed himself; an an operation by experts in 1985 to assist his breathing cost him what little remaining use of his vocal cords. Out of that crumpled, voiceless body in a wheelchair, the mind of Dr.Hawking is able to perceive the whole universe and how it works. So, what is normal, and who is special?
I am sure your son is blessed by Him. With your help for a short while, he will discover himself. Help him discover his space--his karma-bhoomi. Support him to stay there. Give him emotional support that he can pursue the space for which He gave him all those talents and specialities. May be mathematics, pure science, literature, art-- what is he meant for? Help him discover; most important, support him to live there. In a way, He is blessed. He will get a special life partner (wife?) for him--someone whose parameters of life will be very different from that of normal people. He will be blessed with the support from someone who will be willing to make great sacrifices to help him blossom with his special skills. He will be blessed with low expectations on him from the society and relatives. He will be blessed with parents who would make enough money so that he will not have to distract himself from His course for making a living. He is blessed, your son, to have parents like you are. He is blessed with talents that will make him known far longer in this world than we all will be. May be your fame would be for being his father. May be I can narrate your story to my grand-children as I am awaiting in the station to leave this world. While your son will be busy with God's charter, other normal people will be busy with the charters from their bosses and wives.
God bless!
Affectionately,
xyz
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A time to Heal, a time to let go...
This is not a note about they Byrds' Turn, Turn, Turn...
Due to some thought provoking discussion in a forum, facilitated by one of the brightest brains I've seen, I've been stepping back and giving a very serious thought. Have also discussed it with DW a lot. I went back to re-read a specific response to my article that got published in a newspaper for inspiration... (I will post that response as a separate post)...
I was talking this morning with DW. I think, when DS was young I was thinking more with my heart and trust his potential; and ignorance was bliss too...but as he became older, we've become more informed and that had lead to being more analytical and logical. About two-three years ago, I recall DS's psychologist saying that our work with him and not bounding his potential has helped him develop faster than the doc's own expectation. Perhaps as DS grows older, my fear for his future is coloring our possibilities for the present. There could be a possibility that I've started looking at him from "independent living" lens and that alone - have become too analytical about it.
The challenge of being analytical/logical is it constrains the results and not lend itself to discovery of another plane. Yesterday, as I was watching the US VP debate, I had my ear on how DW and DS were interacting and playing in another room. I think DW engages at the level of potential and not possibilities - with being purely invitational (heart) rather than evaluative (brain). I can sense DS more comfortable with her and opening up to her more.
There was this theory that was pointed out to us by this lady who facilitates the forum - called the Presencing. I'm getting the "top of the U" part - to be more invitational - I tried it out yesterday - i just went with DS and cut the papers with him. No words absolutely. He seemed tense first, but I just didn't say anything, just cut with him and he relaxed. I will do this through this week. I'm also going to let DW take the lead in creating the moment and tools. I'll engage with DW offline to design it, but not in front of DS... The thing is I believe he has immense potential; just want to make sure, the roadblock in realizing that aren't us. To be just be "invitational" and not "evaluative". Re his potential, I've a gut feel that he could become one of the best (non-surgical) doctor, because of his memory, observation, attention to details, ability to correlate facts, "sensing" people and ability to connect with them with humor and sensitivity. Yes, he would have his idiosyncrasies more pronounced than someone else, perhaps.
The other breakthrough I got was that - being invitational and being with him, creates an "episodic memory" prior to the fact - the one that he can recall more easily than trying to encode after the event. I think the tools like RDI, Enki etc would be more effective, being in with him.
So would I completely withdraw from all the theorizing and mixing/matching ? Hell no !! :-) but definitely, I strive to reduce the complexity for him and make it simple for him, simple enough for him to enjoy without anxiety - take the complexity away from his presence - he has enough already at the school and otherwise...
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