About a special and Dear Son, who is on the PDD spectrum. As seen by his father (mostly chronicled here) and by his mother. [If you find this useful, please leave a comment or what you'd like to see]
Growing some Non-chalance
Mental Fortitude...
- I had written about DS sleeping alone. However, he sleeps in the living room; and in there, the sound of the rain on the roof and the wall mounted AC is pretty high. So. he does get scared of that sound (and it has been raining quite incessantly for the past few days). So, I had asked him last night that since its raining, would he want to sleep with us, partly due to my own issues. But he was quite clear. Nope, like last night, I'll sleep in "Thatha's room" (the room, that my parent's used when they visited us). For the past two nights he has been sleeping there soundly...
- Last weekend he had an invite from one of his class-mates for a birthday celebration at a bowling alley, that he really loves to go to and bowl. But he hadn't told us about it at all; the invite was amongst his books in his bags. When DW saw that on Monday morning and asked him, he said he didn't want to go, but didn't really explain really well. However, later on during the evening, when DW talked to him using the "Rahul story" (which DS has taken to, with his own version of character called "Red Thala"), DS had explained that he didn't go to the party because he had several dietary exceptions already in the recent past - 'boys day out' with me (at Chinese joint), eating out the local Komal Vilas, eating at a friend's place; and he simply didn't want to eat cake at the party which they would ask him to. And to avoid the temptation he simply decided he would not go !!!! Amazing !!!!!!!!!!!
Clarification Please ?
Red day !

Directional Sense !
History, Geography and Comprehension !

Two days later, he was talking to DW. He has been struggling with the fact as to what would happen to the HAL airport since the new airport in Bangalore had come up ! In his talk to DW, he said, "Amma, I know what they can do with the old HAL airport. We could leave it as is. It would be the history for Bangalore"...
Questions, questions...
Emotional Intelligence... (or whatever) !

Raining Jokes !
Telling him...
On the first one, we have been kind of talking about it... We talked about my grand-parent's passing away when he grew old. His athai-patti (my favourite aunt, if I may add), who he has seen, had passed away. So, we had talked about death... But didn't think he had internalized it...
The second point was that he is 'different'... We have been kind of talking about it in generalities... That people are different, I am different, I like so and so, DW is different... Etc and you are different. You like Thayir-sadam uncle (tamil actor Vijay) and amma like (yet another tamil actor) Surya etc...
We got an opportunity, to (again, kinda) bring them together. A slight by-story. We travelled from India + we have been told that DW should not be lifting heavy objects. So, I told him that he is a big boy and he need to help me more. Since then he has been stepping up... Even being flexible, to carry the two galon milk carton (that he does not like)... So we have been using the fact that he is 12 and he needs to help out at home much more... he needs to "listen to himself" (his own term - there is another story there)..
Our Intentions for DS
The Tastiest bite ever !

Parallel World...
DW and I hit upon an idea... We want to create a parallel world, where there is a boy named Rahul, who is 4 years older to DS... We were wondering if we keep talking to DS about Rahul 4 years from now as he goes through his life... everyday (or once in two days, but few times a week), about 4-5 sentences about Rahul's day or week...
Here is a bit of intro about Rahul:
Rahul is a wonderful boy (of +4 years of DS' age)... He is highly sensitive, humorous and very affectionate. He cares about people's feelings but cannot express it well. He likes to have people around him and they have to be happy. Although Rahul likes people, he is very shy and finds it tough to make social conversations.
Rahul likes to listen to music; Although he could discern music well and repeat the notes, he is just learning to play the keyboard. Rahul also likes to watch movies and likes Kirigami/Origami - he likes to see various forms and structures with paper. Rahul loves to understand the details of certain things, particularly that of things that locomote - cars, buses, aeroplanes, trains; but not so much about ships or helicopters! Rahul likes to understand directions and roads; although he can visualize the map so clearly in his head, he will have trouble articulating it. He once brought his grandparents home when he was 11 from a walk, when they were a bit confused about the way. Rahul is extremely organized and he could plan a trip to the minutest details.
Regarding school, Rahuk likes descriptive subjects. He does not like Math so much, since he could be either right or wrong; and he hates to be wrong, not just in Math but anywhere. Although, he is not very academically oriented, he can comprehend some of the subjects well. He can remember things that he hears and see very well, although he does not like to read visually. He is good in Life-sciences, history and Geography. He is also very good in English vocabulary.
Rahul likes to cook and eat some good food. He loves chicken and ice-cream; although he cannot eat the latter very much, except on "exception days".
Rahul has some trouble with certain noises and a sense of overwhelm sometimes. But he has found defense mechanisms for those. Rahul also has challenges with unexpected changes in once in a while, but he can talk it through himself. He finds parallel within his mind from the past and draws upon those experiences...
In this story, Rahul goes to school as every other boy of his age, finds a friend, finds his mojo and his own space in the world...
We also want to see how DS reacts to the story and if it gets him into introspection…
Periodic Inspiration...
A time to Heal, a time to let go...
Influence of Thought...
I was on travel, when DW sent me a note of note ! :-) I'll get to that a bit later. This was about how to get DS thinking differently (as we had written about making the connections) - as to how we get him from abstract scientific thinking to abstract emotional thinking. Any opening that he provides for us is good here...
My belief is, if you take NT developmental line, its kind of "linear" - when I say linear its not as linear in mathematical term, but it has a pre-determined milestones - both mentally and physically... for our kids, its not that linear, its haphazard, to some extent...
Now to get to the incident - DS was unwell when I was traveling - But he gets very disturbed when he is unwell and talks about it a lot and then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy (particularly coughing). DW distracts him by playing some of his favourite movies. But yesterday he made a big leap. He had asked DW - "Why do I get more cough when I talk about cough ? Does cough think I like him, since I talk about him and stays with me; if I dont talk about him, he will think I dont like him and go away". I know the articulation is not how a NT kid would do - but for me this is his first realization of how mental thinking can influence the physical. Since he has moved to that point in this developmental vector (when resolved its more true north), I believe we should try and make a link between those various stages, I had written about in "connections".
We believe this perhaps is where he is moving to abstract/emotional part of thought.
We want to use it to see how we can encode his learning... Would thinkblocks be of help ?
Connections, again.
Much water has flown under the bridge and we have hopefully better understanding of the situation now. As DS grows (which is in itself scary) and evolves in his thinking and showing "normal" thinking in certain areas, I believe that our model of "making the connections" have changed a bit. Earlier I had thought the progression was
1) Physical/Factual to (2) Emotions to (3) Abstract to (4) Connections to self.
However, now I believe the order is changed... Its
1) Physical/Factual [senses] to (2) Abstract [thinking] (3) Emotions [feeling] to (4) Experiencing Self...[sync and sink]
The 4th one is tough one to explain. This is something that the whole body feels - its like feeling happy, when one sees a bright sun-shine reflecting off the pool with crisp cool air enveloping you. That is where the body+mind are in sync, I believe. I think this level is required for to be able to develop empathy and sympathy...
Re-Schooling !
Anyways, in the meantime, his class teacher wrote to us: "... was totally fine last week. He participated in every class, had comments on all the work and actually did a lot of work. He seemed to be having a very good time, but every time I asked him if he was having fun, he quickly changed his expression and said “NO”! I have given him easy work so as not to stress him out..."
We have also requested the teacher not to 'test' DS for the first few weeks, so that his experience and episodic memory of the school is pleasant to start with.
Oh, btw, he liked the bus trip to the school - he likes to read the road names and find out where they are located vis-a-vis directions... He was telling his friend in India over the phone about his bus trip to the school and back...
Oh, btw^2, DW does not know what to do with all the time she has in her hands !! :-)
Mirror stories... (1)
Mani the Mountain (the patient one)
Mani, the huge mountain (near Simla) has been alive for a long time, many thousand years. He was large, strong and importantly, very patient. He had a strong inner strength that helped him to live through all the troubles patiently, knowing it would be better at the end. Many times, he has buffeted with strong rains, heavy snow and hot sun. But Mani was strong and patient. He was burdened with lot of trees, buildings, people but he was patiently carrying them. People bore holes through him to build tunnels. During heavy rains, part of his skin fell in a land-slide. But Mani stayed patient relying on his physical and mental strength. Whatever happened to him, he continued to remain patient and calm, since he knew his inside very solid and very well grounded.
Vasavi, the waves (the angry one)
Vasavi was the daughter of the sea. She had a brother, named Vasan. When young, Vasavi lived with her father, the ocean, farther into the ocean. As she grew up, Vasavi became curious and wanted to go near the shore and she did so. As she peeked at the shore far-away, she found a nice fruit that was very tasty. She saw a mango tree at the shore and she flowed towards the shore. As she reached the shore, she found that she could not reach the mango tree. Then she stepped back and rushed to the shore with a great cry (sssshhhhhhhhhhhhhssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh) and she found that she still could not reach the tree. Since then she has been trying, greatly angry at times and rushing in more strongly as tides and sometimes Tsunamis, but her anger wasn’t taking her close to the tree and to reach the mango. She still tries to do that to this very day angrily.
Vinoo the wind (the mischievous one)
Vinoo was the wind. He was the cool one. Depending on his mood, he blows hard or gently. But mostly he is the mischievous one. He like to play small jokes on people and have fun and laughter. Sometimes he would blow so hard that people would stay indoors and hold on tight to their things. Sometimes he would stop blowing, that people would start sweating and start complaining. Vinoo would hear all this and have fun. Sometimes, when he blows, he would move their things from one place to another. He had particularly more fun when he would blow papers from someone’s hand suprising them with a sudden gust. As people would reach the paper, he would let go another gust and move the paper to a bit more. After indulging in some mischief like this, he would finally let people have the paper.
Mirror stories...
I've modeled my concept of mirror stories around the above and wrote about:
Mani, the mountain (the patient one)
Vasavi, the waves (the angry one)
Saami, the sands (the lazy one)
Manju, the (mango) tree (the kind one)
Vinoo, the wind (the mischievous one)
Since these are made-up, i'm trying to correlate these with certain things that he likes and has good episodic memory on... (like Mountains would be Simla; Waves would beach in Chennai, Mauritius etc)
I did Mani, the mountain and Vasavi the waves yesterday again - end of the day setting, most relaxed etc...
DS came back with his own last night - Bala the Bus (eventually, Bala the bus, the helpful): the essence was Bala, the bus (he has gotten the alliterative concept :) ) is a bus that goes from here to there; in his story, a car breaks down and the bus comes along and take the people in the car... at this point in time, we named it as "Bala, the bus, the helpful one".
My question, since last night has been, if mirror stories are reflective in nature, does his story on Bala, mean one of the two ?
1) He is seeing himself as Bala the bus who wants to help others or
2) he is the car and when he breaks down he is expecting Bala, the bus to come and help him ?
If he thinks he is the car... then may be he is scared/lost... not knowing what to do...
I plan to enact Bala, the bus with TBs and lets see what comes out of it; I'm also wondering if its a good idea (in the RDI approach) to encode this in some-way - that if he is the car, he should look for Bala...